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Showing posts from January, 2012

18 months

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18 months ago I was sitting in the hospital waiting for the surgery to be done.  It was only supposed to take maybe 4 or 5 hours.  Yet I was still waiting there in the room and it was 7 hours later.  I think I knew.  I didn't want to believe it, but I knew.  I had this eery feeling all night.  I was sick to my stomach.  Was it because I was 6 months pregnant?  Or was it because I had some kind of idea I was going to become a widow at the young age of 35.   I didn't know.  I look back now and I should have prepared myself more.  I think I kept too much of a positive attitude.  Not only for Patrick to be happy, but because I am not sure I wanted to "know" everything that was going on. I know people kept a lot from me. Family, friends and the doctors.  I get it.  They didn't want me to end up in the hospital, too.  I would at some point like to know what really happened.  What were the conversations people had with Patrick.  What did he say?  I wish many times over t