Sunday, October 3, 2010


Well, there have been a lot of changes going on in my life the past couple of months.

September 11th I moved into my condo in Fond du Lac.  I had the great help of the Jahners, Steve, Blessings, Greg Bach, DeWans, Cara, Mom, Dad, Mr. Roblee and my cousin Rob.  It was so helpful to have them there for all of my "what they all called Heavy Furniture".  My new place has started coming together and feeling like home.  I can start making my own new memories here.  It's just hard to leave the good ones back in Tosa, but it's just to hard to be there.  This move is good for me, so I can be closer to family as well.  It was very hard for me to be here by myself, but I'm starting to adjust.  It's just weird not  having Patrick here with me.  He would love this place.  I just know it.  I say good morning and good night to him every day.  I hope that he is watching over me while I'm on this new journey.  Because I sure need his help.

This week I went back to work full time.  I'm commuting 3 days a week and working from home 2.  I was very nervous about going back, but everyone there made it so nice for me and it was an easy transition.  The only hard times I have are in the morning and after work.  Every day, Patrick would make my breakfast for me and pack healthy snacks for me to bring to work.  Then after work, I'd call him and let him know I was on my way home.  We'd then discuss what he was making, going to make or what we were going to do for dinner.  It was a call I made every day to him.  Now when I leave work, I just call his voice-mail so I can hear his voice.   Like I said before, it's the little things you miss the most when you lose someone.
Here is a picture of one of the meals and desserts he made for me.  And yes...he took pictures of food all the time.

Chicken tortilla soup.

Pudding and cool whip
I'm down to having weekly appointments with my doctor.  5 weeks left until our baby girl is on her way!  I'm right on track with all of my numbers.  The gestational diabetes is under control and not an issue.  I'm also happy I haven't gained too much weight.  That way it will be easier to take it off (and more) after she's here.  I for sure thought I was going to be that 60 pound gainer.  I love food and usually not the healthy kind.  My usually large appetite has been absent my whole pregnancy.  Which is totally weird and not like me.  Also, I was lucky to have Patrick around to monitor me.  He did all of the shopping and cooking.  Always made sure I was eating healthy for the baby.  He was so worried about us being healthy.

I'm continuing to not sleep well.  It's a combination of grief and in my final weeks of pregnancy.  These days, I don't know which symptom is from what.  I'm usually sleeping for 1-3 hours at a time and then I'm up.  Half the time I fall back asleep, the other half I watch Law and Order. 

I had my first baby shower this week with my family.  They held one for my cousin Meghan and I.  It was so nice and we both got a lot of nice things.  Meghan is due on the 14th, my other cousin Alissa is having her baby on the 15th and I'm on the 9th.  Plus, my sister-in-law had my niece, Kate, in May.  We'll have a lot of new babies in the Zimmerman Family this year!

Also this month, we honored some important people.  At the Fondy game on the 17th during half-time, they announced the 2010 Inductees to the Fondy Hall of Fame.  Grandpa Zim being one of them.  We also all wore t-shirts for Diane Blaine, who lost her battle to cancer.  The Fondy football team has dedicated their season to her.

The Zimmerman Family at the Fondy Game.

I attended the Appleton West/North football game on Friday.  They honored Patrick at the game and held the drawing for the raffle.  Jon Leatherbury was also designated as the honorary captain, wearing Patrick's jersey.  The team also put #50 on their helmets for Patrick.  What an honor.  Thanks Coach.

Patrick winning the state title.
Jon on the sidelines.
#50 on the helmet

Bears are 3-0.  Nice win last week against the Packers.  Winning field goal was from a Penn State Alum.  Like my brother said, Patrick had something to do with that win for sure!

Needless to say, I'm adjusting to these changes the best I can.  It sure hasn't been easy.  I miss him every moment of every day.  Memories are constantly going through my mind.  Sometimes it doesn't seem like it happened and it's all a dream.  I wish it was.  It's weird being with someone every day and knowing them so having them not be here at all.  It's a big change.  I know it's hard on family and friends, too.  But the hard part for me is that most people have generally gone back to their "normal" lives, because they can and should.  My life will forever be changed by losing him.  I can't go back to my normal life.  I don't have one anymore.   It's not that your lives weren't affected by losing Patrick, but it's different when he was your husband.  Everyone else has a spouse/significant other to lean on and go to for comfort.  I would have gone to Patrick for a thing like this and now I can't and don't have that.  That's the difference. 

It's been a tough 2010 and I'm certainly ready for it to be over and start a new and healthy 2011.  

I'd like to end with a thank you to all of my friends and family who are there for me.  You are all an inspiration and I thank you.  What you have done for me and our baby girl is unbelievable.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.