Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I miss him...

I really miss him.

Thanksgiving.  This was Patrick's favorite holiday.  He loved gathering around the table with family and enjoying a nice day.  He loved the food.  We all know that.  He'd pile his plate up 2 layers high full of food.  That bothered me, because his food was touching each other AND the cranberry sauce was all over the plate and being soaked up by a roll.  He would then tease me that I ate one kind of food at a time, turned my plate to get to the next one, until it was gone.  He loved hanging out in the basement after dinner, watching football with my dad.  He loved hanging out with the family and enjoying every moment.  I missed that a lot this year.  I missed him on Thanksgiving.

Decorating the house and tree for the holidays.  I miss coming home to a fully decorated house and tree (except for some ornaments for me to hang).  He loved getting the house to look like Christmas.  He loved surprising me.  He was not good at hanging up lights outside.  He almost fell off the roof 2 years ago. Since then, we just put a spotlight on a wreath and called it a day. 

When I put up our tree this year, I had a tough time.  I miss him being here to do that.  I got all new decorations this year.  Purple and silver.  It was time for a change. I missed him decorating.

Bingo. This year was our 4th Annual Bingo Extravaganza.  The last 3 years, Patrick was the Emcee for the event with our friends.  In past years, we raised thousands of dollars for ALS, American Cancer Society and Be the Match.  This year, my friends and family had the event for Patrick.   I miss Patrick not being up in front calling Bingo.  I miss Patrick coming up with a new skit this year.  I miss him making everyone laugh.  I missed him at Bingo.

Bingo 2008
Bingo 2009

The group at Bingo this year.

Doctor appointments.  I miss him not being there with me.  He would come to every prenatal appointment with me, up until the end.  I know he'd be here for all of Olivia's appointments, too.  Olivia had her 1 month appointment.  She's up to a whopping 8lbs 13 oz!  She is right on track and Dr. Don says she's doing really well.  I missed him not there with us at the appointments.

Milestones.  I miss him not being able to see Olivia grow up.  I miss him not being able to see her smile all the time.  I miss him not seeing her.  I miss him not being a dad.

Miss Olivia and one of her many smiles every day.

I  miss him every night I go to bed and he's not next to me.  I miss him every morning that he's not there making my breakfast for me.  I miss him at night when we would watch all of our favorite shows.  I miss him when I'm running errands and he's not there to lock the car more than needed and the horn beeps.  I miss him on Sunday nights when we would always get Chinese food.  I miss talking to him in the afternoon about what he was going to make for dinner.  I miss him on Saturday mornings watching Game Day on ESPN and then lounging and watching College football.  I miss him on Sundays when we'd watch all the NFL games, especially the Bears, and he'd be yelling at the TV.  I miss snuggling with him on the couch for hours on end catching up on DVR.  I miss his foot rubs.  I miss the cards he would get for me for no reason.  I miss his laugh.  I miss hearing him say I love you. I miss him telling the same stories over and over with his friends and them laughing hysterically.  I miss his comedy.  I miss him loving me. I miss him putting up the plastic on the windows and struggling with it, like I did for over an hour this year.  I miss him at night when I would need help with Olivia.  I know he'd be there in a second to take over.  I miss him shopping with me for Christmas presents for everyone.  I miss him when I see his family.  I miss him when I see his friends.  I miss him when I see pictures online or around the house.  I miss him when I listen to his voicemail and I hear his healthy voice.  I miss him when I can't do something at home and he would come to the rescue. I miss his daily kisses on my forehead.  I miss him kissing my cheek in many pictures being taken.  I miss him just being around me.  I miss him snow blowing outside and saying every time, "Why don't we live in the south?!?  I hate the snow!"

Snow blowing on Easter 2008

I'll miss him on Christmas.  He always got me gifts that had meaning and he put a lot of thought into them.  I was excited to get his gift every year.  It was always the best one and so thoughtful.  For our last Christmas together, he got me a Pandora bracelet.  I wanted one really bad, but never told anyone.  He got me one (He went to Jared) and got beads.  1. snowflake-reminds us of Christmas  2. drop pearl-the wedding present he gave me was a drop pearl necklace and this would remind us of our wedding day 3. my birthstone. Then for my birthday he got me a birthstone for Olivia.  He always knew what to get.  I'll miss him when we're with family at dinner.  I'll miss him playing with the kids.  I'll miss him doing Rock Band and totally rockin' the drums like no one else. 

 I'll miss him drinking eggnog with my brother.  I'll miss him drinking Orange Julius and having sticky buns at my parents Christmas morning.  I'll miss him at New Year's.  We always played Rock Band with everyone and had a blast.  I'll miss him next time every one's dancing.  He always wanted to have a dance with his wife at every event.  He was a great dancer.  I'll miss him tonight.  I'll miss him tomorrow and the next day.  I'll miss him next year and the year after.  I'll miss him forever. 

I love him.
I miss him.

October 2009