Monday, June 27, 2011

One year ago

One year ago on the 26th Patrick came with me to get my hair done with Krista.  I had to get my hair cut and colored.  He waited.  He played on my iPhone, made friends in the salon and chatted with us girls.  He waited for me.  Who would do that???  Patrick would and he did.  After we left, we made our way to the grocery store and picked up a few things to bring to the Piotrowski's house for a BBQ with the Licht's.  We cooked out and ate too much that night.  Patrick made me get non-alcoholic wine.  We both laughed that we paid $10 for bad tasting grape juice.   We came home and went to bed.

The next day it was just him and I.  We hung out all day and watched movies and snuggled on the couch.  A normal Sunday.  Monday, he got up early and went to work out and I got ready for work.  I came home to steak and asparagus on the grill.  Same for the next day.  Then it was Wednesday, June 30, 2010.

One year ago on the 30th,  I got up after Patrick went to the gym.  I got ready and went to work.  I was about to turn off on Silver Spring from 45, when I got a call.  It was the YMCA.  I had to go and get Patrick because he wasn't feeling well and they didn't want him to drive home.  I quickly turned around with my heart jumping out of my chest.  I pulled into the Y parking lot, ran in.  I found him laying on the ground, clenching his chest.  He had started feeling better and just wanted to go to the walk in clinic.  I said no, brought the car around and we were quickly on our way to Froedtert ER. 

It was just after 7:30 am and the morning traffic was getting heavy no matter where you went.  We got stuck in traffic on Watertown Plank Road.  He started getting nervous, holding his chest, sweating and getting pissed.  I actually kept calm, not to make him more upset.  I drove through a couple lights and went around people to get to the ER as fast as I could.  I pulled right up and got him a wheel chair.  They brought him back right away.   I parked the car and then ran as fast as my body could being 5 months pregnant and in a dress.  I got back there and there were over 10 people working on him and sticking things into him.  He was having a heart attack.  I had to walk away, as I started getting upset and crying.  From that moment on, the staff at Froedtert took care of me like I was a patient, right along side of Patrick.  They were so nervous that something could happen to the baby.  Once they got him "stable", we rode down the hall and into an elevator up to the Cath Lab.  He was doing ok.  I went to the waiting room.  The doctor came in and let me know he was having a heart attack and they were checking for the blockage.  Worse case scenario at this time was that he had to have surgery.  His beeper went off and he raced off.  Come to find out,  Patrick was crashing on the table.  He did 2 more times that morning before he was off to surgery.  I made my calls to Patrick's family and mine.  I waited in that room by myself forever.  They then brought me down to the ICU waiting room, as he was going into surgery ASAP.  I sat there by myself forever, too.  Then my parents came, Shawn, Christine and MC.  Then all throughout the day, they came by the dozens.  Friends and family all day.  The surgery was to take over 7 hours I think.  That was a long day.  I wore his wedding ring on my thumb.  I listened to his iPod.  I wanted to be close to him when I wasn't.  Patrick survived the surgery, when they didn't think he was going to make it.  

He went on to struggle until his next surgery, one week later.  July 7th.  He survived.  He was then being put on the transplant list and transferred over to St. Luke's.  He had another surgery 2 weeks later on the 22nd.  This one he did not survive.  This day, one year ago on the 22nd of July forever changed my life and Olivia's.  Worst day ever. 

I gave Patrick a kiss and told him, "I love you very much" and I walked out of the CVICU room.  I never saw him alive again. 

Patrick's mom, sister, brother-in-law, aunt and uncle, my parents and Jon were sitting in the waiting room.  All alone.  We started getting check ups from the team.  It wasn't looking good.  We all started praying.  I got really nervous.  I was sick to my stomach.  They started getting late with the updates.  They sent a chaplain in.  I knew this wasn't good.  I just knew.  Then the doctor came walking in with 2 nurses.  I saw the look on his face and he frowned.  I cried out NO!  Everyone started crying.  I will never forget that feeling.  I felt like I was in a movie.  This wasn't real.  But it was.  Hours later I was planning his funeral. I was alone.  No more Christy and Patrick or a family.  It was just me and I was 6 months pregnant.  I hated how things turned out.  The next time I saw him he was laying in a back room of the CVICU

One year ago today Patrick and I were happily married.  In less than a month, I can no longer say that.
Four years ago on July 22nd, Patrick proposed to me at the end of his triathlon race with family in attendance.

One year ago on July 22nd, Patrick was taken away.

I love you and will miss you forever.


  1. Oh Christy, how hard it must have been to write all this down, but I thank you for sharing your beautiful love story, even tho it makes me cry.
    I keep on praying for you.

  2. Christy. That must have been a tearful post for you. You have come so far over the last year, doing things you thought you would never have to do. I don't know how you did, and do do it every day and still you are the same old Christy to all of us. You are an amazing person and friend.

  3. Thank you, Christy. I cannot begin to imagine what it would be like to love through that time, and that day in particular. You have exhibited immense grace and strength, and are an inspiration. Much love to you and your beautiful girl. -Becca

  4. Once again, this post broke my heart. I'm so sorry for all you went through with a young, healthy husband; healthy enough to do triathlons.