Crazy to believe it’s been 15 years. Sometimes, the memories are so vivid, so deeply etched in my mind, that it feels like yesterday we were just starting our lives together. Other times, the passage of a decade and a half feels immense, a testament to all the life that's happened since. We would have been married for 16 years this past November. It's crazy to think of all of the things Patrick missed out on.

Olivia

Olivia is 14 1/2 and started driver's ed this summer. She's been in her favorite sport for 6 years and plans on joining the high school basketball team. She just started her first real job working with A&W at EAA with her cousin Kate. Even though she's been dog sitting for years and absolutely loving it. I may have been asked if she can get a dog about 493,349,029 times.

She finished middle school this spring and was awarded the Citizen of the Year for the whole school. You see, she's the kindest person you'd ever meet. A true empath. Caring. Thoughtful. Looks out for others. So while I was so excited for her, I wasn't surprised. That's who she is. You can be many things in life, but the best is to be kind. I'm lucky she has great family around her showing her what that's like.

Adventures and Passions

Our adventures continue. We still love to travel, exploring new places and learning about the world around us. Summer road trips have taken us to South Dakota, Michigan, Niagara Falls, and the Ozarks, and this Friday, we’re off to Utah! Our spring breaks have been filled with sun and sand in Punta Cana, Mexico, and Jamaica. These experiences feel like a way to continue to grow and experience life together, even if one of us is missing.

Olivia has inherited a deep love for music, just like Patrick. She knows every song, title, artist, lyrics. Our home and car are constantly filled with music. She’s also picked up my fascination with true crime, which we often turn into a learning experience, a reminder to always be aware of your surroundings and stay safe.

And it turns out, she's quite the artist, too, taking after her grandma’s creative talents. She’s a typical teenager in many ways: oddly aware of the UV index before tanning, leaving a trail of water glasses around the house, and embracing a beautifully messy room. She meticulously plans her outfits, loves TikTok, playing online games with friends, and enjoys ramen, chocolate ice cream (just like her grandpa!), and Pearl Jam. Last year, I took her to her first Pearl Jam concert at Wrigley. We had an absolute blast!

Still Searching for "My Person"

Still single and now I'm 50 and single. Yay. I've dated on and off and of course had my long standing situationship. It's tough to swallow that no one wants you as their person. Their everything. I still have hope that some day I will have my person again. Maybe I've been through all that I have to be rewarded in the end. I'm just guessing that the white horse he's riding in on got tired and gave up. I know I'm ultra independent, stubborn, self-reliant and picky. But I'm also responsible, hard working, caring, very giving and sometimes funny. I know that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. But I will tell you, I'm sick of being a 3rd, 5th, 7th and 9th wheel. Everyone tells me that I shouldn't feel that way. They don't make me feel that way, but I still feel it. When you're constantly the single person, everyone tells you what a catch you are and how great you are. How lucky someone would be to have you. That should make me feel wonderful. Yet it's the opposite. If I was those things they say about me, I wouldn't be single...would I? Yet here I am, still searching for my next soulmate.

I heard this quote the other day and it hit me hard.

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...”

― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Pretty powerful, isn't it? So maybe my relationships and situationship since Patrick are learning experiences and prepping my heart for the next person that is actually meant to be. I sure hope so. Let me tell you, the older you get, the more stupid dating is. I've come to a realization that I may just be single. That might be my thing. I've accepted that. I may be lonely often, but it's not all the time. I'm very lucky to have the friends and family in my life that I do. People that want to be in my life.

15 years. It’s a testament to how much life can hold, including grief and growth, challenges and triumphs, quiet moments and grand adventures. I’m incredibly grateful for the lessons these years have taught me and for the strength I’ve found. I am ready to embrace new beginnings and all the good that life has yet to offer. We'll see what we happens next..

One of her best dogs she watches