Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The waiting game.

Well, this week I am 39 weeks.  Less than 1 week to go before our baby girl joins this world.  It's going to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me, next to having Patrick in my life.  It will be a bittersweet moment.  I'll be overjoyed to meet her, but her daddy won't be there.  I'm so looking forward to this big event, but so sad about it, too.  Just wish he could be here for it.  He would have been the best dad ever.

As many of you know, I'm sometimes an impatient person.  Especially when it comes to vacations, big events, shopping, giving presents, etc.  Well, I consider the birth of our daughter a HUGE event and I can't wait until she arrives.  I thought for sure I would have her by now, but she's also being stubborn, like her mother.  She already has her dad's patience.  I can't wait to see what she looks like.   Until then, I'm just "patiently" waiting.

A couple of weeks ago, my dad and I met the Sibleys at the Ripon game.  I was surprised when the announcer said, "In memory of a former Ripon football player, PB will be on the back of the team helmets."  I had no idea that they did this for him.  We were very touched.

Baby showers.  
My friends at work gave me one on my last day in the office.  It was so thoughtful of them to think of me.
I also had some Merriman wives give me a shower in Fond du Lac on the 16th.  They did a wonderful job and it was absolutely perfect.  I thank them for a job well done.  It was so great to see everyone as well.
My cake!
My large self opening a gift, with Melissa the organizer:)
This past month, we lost 2 more great women to cancer.  My French teacher/FDL HS Principal and family friend, Mary Fran Merwin and Melissa's mother, Sue Hilke.  They will forever be missed.

Recently I finished my 8 week Grief support group.  I recommend it for anyone that has to go through something like this.  I formed great relationships with the people in the group.  I was obviously the youngest, by 30 years.  But we all had something in common to discuss.  Losing a spouse.

Grief is the price we pay for love. Queen Elizabeth II.
I truly believe that.

The poem that we read in our last session.

The Dash
by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak
At the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone
From the beginning to the end.

He noted that frist came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years.

For that dash respresents all the time
That she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own;
The cars, the house, the cash
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend that dash.

So think about this long and hard.
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.

And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more,
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.

If we treat each other with respoect,
And more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy's being read
With you life's actions to rehash
Would ou be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?

I'd like you all to think about this poem.  It's very true.  I believe Patrick lived his life to the fullest and that's what he left us with here on earth.  He spent his dash the best he could every day.  He didn't sweat the small stuff.  He didn't care about "things".  He cared about people and how they felt.  He cared about family, friends and building relationships.  He never gave up and never quit.  For someone to go through what he has in a short lifetime is amazing.  It's something we should all learn from. 

So next time you complain it's a crappy day at work, bicker with your spouse about nothing, not do something to your fullest, worry about little things...think of Patrick.  He would say, "Really? Is that something to complain or worry about?"  That's the biggest thing he ever taught me.  He always brought be back to reality when I needed it.

If you think you're having a bad day, think hard again.  Are you really having a bad day or a bad moment in a good day. 

I had a bad day on July 22nd.  I lost the love of my life.  Was your day that bad?  Not to be rude, but we all need to put things into perspective these days. 

I'm hoping in my next blog that I will be sharing pictures of our new baby girl.  And yes, you'll finally find out her name.  I've been keeping it a secret this whole time.  You already know it's a girl.  This is the last thing Patrick and I have to share.  We liked her name from the beginning and then came across more names.  Days before he passed, we decided on this one.  Only him and I know and it will always be something I treasure.  He and I named our baby.  Together.  It was the last secret we shared.

Thank you all for your support during my pregnancy.  Everyone has been very generous and thoughtful.  I can't wait for you to meet our angel.

Stay tuned...


  1. I am so impressed and moved by how strong you are....every time I see a post on your facebook or read your blog. Your daughter will bring you joy through the pain and Patrick will be watching over you both always. All my thoughts. If you come down to Milwaukee on your leave with your baby girl - let me know or anytime. Would love to see you. Nicole Berlin

  2. You are truly a Blessing in more ways than one!

  3. I LOVE this post. Thinking about you and thanking you now for great reminders like this one. I'm in Dublin and just had a bad moment in a good day. Thanks for the perspective.