Saturday, February 5, 2011

Last Words

Well, this week was my first week back to work from maternity leave.  The first official day back was emergency...snow day.  So, I worked from home and caught up.  Thursday and Friday I was in the office.  My desk was decorated and I had bags of Doritos everywhere.  My friend Stacy knows how much I like Doritos and was sweet to think of me.  The last 2 days at work consisted of catching up on email, starting "To do" lists, meeting with people and best of all...catching up with my friends who I dearly missed.  You know who you are.  These last 2 days went well at work because of them.

I have missed Olivia so much.  It just stinks to get home late, feed her during her fussy time and then put her to bed.  No quality time with her at all.  The last 12 weeks, it's been Olivia and Mommy.  Other family and friends to be with us here and there.  But mainly it's been Team Blessing.  Big change to not have that from now on.  I hope I can adjust being away from her 55 hours a week.
My cube at work.

The Doritos truck I almost hijacked on the way home.
I would like to put something out there for God.  Please don't let anything else bad happen to my family and friends.  Our lives have been shaken up so much for the past year and it still hasn't stopped.  I think God does this to test our strength...but I'm calling a truce and he can stop testing us any time.  Way too many deaths, cancers, hospital stays, job losses and stress have happened lately and are continuing to happen.  When is it going to end?  I thought 2011 would be a fresh start and a good year.  Not so far.  Let's end this.  Geez.

Sunday will be spent watching the Superbowl at my brother and SIL's house with family.  I'm looking forward to it.  Go Pack.

Last words.
My last words to Patrick before he went into surgery and died were, "I love you very much." He replied, "I love you, too."  Then I walked out into the waiting room.  I felt different saying it to him that time.  It's not like I never meant it before when I've said it.  It just felt different this time when I said it.  I also added the word "very" in there.  I love you VERY much.  There was more passion and love in those last words to him than I ever said before.  Maybe I knew he was going to die.  I don't know.

What are your last words going to be to someone you love?  This got me thinking again when I watched a recent episode of one of our favorite shows.  How I Met Your Mother.  Marshall's dad died in the previous episode from a heart attack.  For a comedy show, I cried pretty hard.  It hit home.  In the last episode, he was trying to remember what the last words his dad said to him.  What will your last words be?  When you leave your friend's or family's house, do you hug them good-bye?  Do you say I love you?  Remember that next time.

I will always remember all of my "lasts" with Patrick.  My last Christmas with him was at my parent's house and he got me my Pandora bracelet with 3 charms-my birthstone, a snowflake for Christmas and one to represent our wedding.  Then for my last birthday (Easter), we went to Il Mito's in Wauwatosa.  I had morning/night sickness from being pregnant.  He gave me Prego Pops to help with the sickness ahead of time so I would be ok to eat.  When we sat down at the table, the waiter brought me my present and card.  A gift card to Motherhood Maternity and a charm for my bracelet...Olivia's birthstone.  Patrick always went to the restaurant ahead of time to bring my presents there.  For valentine's day, always flowers ahead of time.  He planned everything out for me always.
The last time we went to the grocery store together was the Saturday before he went in the hospital.  We were just coming from my hair appointment.  He wanted to sit there with me the whole time while I got my hair colored and cut.  Now that's a dedicated husband.  We were going to the store to pick up some items to go to Piotrowski's with Licht's for a BBQ.  Our last one with Patrick.
The last holiday with Patrick was Father's day at my parent's house.  That was also the last picture taken of him.
Opening his Father's day card with Rachel and Eli.

The last time I got to hug him after work-our ritual-was June 29th.  The last dinner he cooked me was steak and asparagus.
The last card he got me was for my first mother's day.
My Mother's Day card from Patrick

The last wedding we attended was Cantwell's.  That was also our last dance together and it was to Purple Rain.  The last Sunday we had together snuggling and watching movies all day. The last time I saw Patrick alive was July 21st before surgery.  We told each other "I love you." 
Cantwell's wedding

facebook page to see.

Olivia being funny.

Holding her own bottle

Teaching her good music young.


  1. Love you! You are so strong. I just wish that I could take some of this hurt away for you.

    Love and hugs.

  2. Hey, this is Amanda, Alissa's friend. She sent me your blog. I hope you find writing to be therapeutic right now....

    There's another blog I read that you might find comfort in, about a woman who recently lost her husband unexpectedly:

    Your new nugget is adorable!

  3. Your posts always make me think. I think of our BBQ so much and am still so thankful we were all together, celebrating and having fun.

    Speaking of last words ... I remember thinking back to that very thing after my dad died. Thankfully, my last words upon leaving my dad's house (the last time I saw him) were "I love you." I kissed and hugged him, as I always did. I was going to bring up a tough subject during our visit, but I held off because I knew it would upset him. I'm so glad I did. There were no bad feelings, and the words and sentiment we parted with were perfect. No regrets.

  4. I was reading some of your posts --you've been through the wringer! I hope this year turns for the better very soon and will be praying for you. The baby's a doll, and I'm so glad you've got family there to help.