Friday, April 29, 2011

The Drive...

I have a love hate relationship with my daily commute to work.  I love listening to the morning radio shows and having my coffee.  It's a good way to think about my day and plan for work.  It's good to decompress on the way home so Olivia has my full attention.  I have good phone conversations to pass my time as well.  I also see the same green truck at least a couple times a week with the fake bullet hole stickers on it.  I laugh every time I pass it.
See the "bullet holes" on the tailgate?

The part I hate the most are the memories.  It's mostly on the way home.  I cry almost every day on the way home.  It may be for a minute or two or even longer.  I'm not sure why and sometimes I don't know why I'm even crying.  It's either a song that comes on the radio, passing by every landmark on the way home that reminds me of all the driving we did together, not having my usual after 5pm call to Patrick about dinner or just memories flooding my head.  I think this time is therapeutic for me, but it's also so hard.  I am so busy otherwise, that this is the only time I have to grieve by myself. I think it's good for my grieving process and being able to move forward.

I also think about the drive in a different way.  It's my drive that I have within to be a successful mom, employee, friend, family member, etc.  Without this, I wouldn't be able to accomplish a darn thing.  I'm still not sure how I do it now.  My ability to remember things has been taken away by grief and mommy-hood.  I was always so good at remembering everything.  Dates, names, phone numbers, errands, etc.  Now if I don't write it down, it doesn't usually get done.  I just put my Winter/Christmas rugs in the basement.  I have a sore back because I forget to call the chiropractor.  I leave emails in my in box to remind me it has to be done.  I've lost a few plants this way, too.

The other weekend we were in Ripon for Ultimate Frisbee.  I am so proud of the Merriman boys for their drive.  They are working on finishing another year of college, keeping "The House" alive and fund-raising for Olivia's college fund.  They amaze me.

Easter was pretty low key for us.  Olivia had a basket, but she had no clue what was going on.  She did have a pretty dress on all day:)

She has also been wearing 6 month clothes now!  It's so fun to put new outfits and finally shoes on her!

Over spring break, we got a visit from the Goehlers.  O had her Bears bib on for Brock.

Olivia and Brock

Reese giving O a hug.  I love her reaction!

Becky and Olivia.

Reese and I

This weekend, Olivia and I are just going to lay low.  We've both had colds and not feeling well.  It would be nice to have a weekend where we didn't have a million things going on at once.  So I will be cuddling with my girl all weekend and relaxing.

I'd also like to say thank you to a friend that I have reconnected with in the last couple of years. We've been talking a lot recently and it's been great reconnecting.  The conversations are great and stay positive.  (I've been deleting people in my life that are negative) It's easy to relate to each other, as we are both single/only parents.  Glad you're back in my life:)

One more thing.  I had the best Bloody Mary this past weekend at Cantwell's baby shower in Green Bay.  It was a huge conversation this week!

It was a huge mug!  I couldn't finish it in 2 hours:)

Included: beef stick, string cheese, shrimp, spicy pickle, olive, mushroom, lemon and lime. 


  1. The last picture of Olivia reminds me so much of Pat (but in a much cuter and girlie way), hope you two start to feel better soon and enjoy the cuddling time!

  2. Someone recently told me that your brain has a limited capacity to hang onto 'stuff' so as a new to-do enters, another one has to leave to make room. I don't know if it's true but it makes me feel better because I forget A LOT of stuff. It started after I had Greyson. Love the blog and especially pics of baby O.

  3. Love Olivia's Easter Bonnet! I can see she has traits of you and Patrick, and this is what makes her very special. Stop by sometime.

  4. I love your blog post as always. You are amazing, Christy. I hope you and Olivia are feeling better soon. I will be in Ripon today. If things end at a normal hour, I will call to see if you are up for a visit from Ellie and me.

  5. We had such a wonderful time with you and Olivia. See you in June! Love, Becky, Brock and Reese